samuraikoala32

My journal is now private. Privacy and artistic freedom mean nothing to some people. Trust no one.

I was just as shocked as everyone when I heard Heath Ledger died, and my first question was "How?" What bothers me is that the story is not totally adding up for me. If it were a murder and not an "accidental death", I have no idea who would want Heath dead and why, but I do know that if it were a murder and still has yet to be deemed a murder, it would have to be from somebody very, very high up (i.e Hunter S. Thompson's "suicide" and Princess Diana's "car accident").

1. The housekeeper heard him snoring in his room when she went into his room to change a lightbulb. About an hour or 2 later, his masseuse tried waking him up and his body was cold.

2. The first, second, and THIRD phone calls made were not to the ambulance, but to Mary-Kate Olsen who is on the other side of the country. According to the E News crawl, police have no plans to question her. I don't know whether she would be involved in the murder or not, but I do know that it should be STANDARD police procedure to question her if she was called 3 seperate times, all under a minute each, before the ambulance was ever called.

3. The media has been making a huge deal about a rolled up $20 bill. Now if I had Heath's money, I'd be using a $100 bill to snort my drugs, but let's go ahead and ignore the dollar amount for now, only because it isn't something a non-druggie would consider to be suspicious. This rolled up bill was found near Heath's bed and was never tested positive for drugs. Also, no illegal drugs were found at the apartment... so why the hell was there a rolled up $20 bill? To poorly IMPLY a drug overdose, perhaps? What the hell are we supposed to believe here anyway? Did he do a lot of blow, somehow manage to fall asleep afterward, and THEN die?

4. The media also makes a big deal of the fact that there were multiple BOTTLES of prescription pills for anxiety and sleeplessness all over the room, whereas the initial report said the pills were scattered around. So the media heavily implied-- without ever really directly stating it-- that his death must have been an accidental overdose because there was no evidence it was a suicide, but the autopsy results were inconclusive. I'm no forensic scientist, but I would think that if I went into a cadaver looking for something specific, it would probably be easier to find than all the little details that autopsies always reveal. The fact that it was inconclusive baffles me... well then, why don't they report on what they DID learn from the autopsy?! We're now waiting on a toxicology test that I hear takes between 10 days and 6 weeks. Plenty of time to come up with a better story. PLENTY.

I don't know who would have a motive to kill Heath Ledger, or why, but I do know that both suicide and accidental death are not making sense to me. Justice for Heath!

When I'm at work (or during any other equally unwanted contact) I sometimes trip over my own bullshit. I'll start saying something I don't actually believe like, "It was great meeting you" or "I agree, ______ is very important to talk about right now (the blank being 'recycling', 'exercise', 'football' or something just as trivial to me)." I know that there's a HUGE difference between the way the world actually works and how I want it to work. I know that saying encouraging bullshit with a smile is part of my job in working in television, but sometimes the things that come out of my mouth are just such meaningless tripe that I get lost in the middle of what I was saying because I'm thinking to myself what a load of crap it is, then I start jumbling my words because I'm contemplating one thing but saying something entirely different, then I don't even remember what lie I was trying to sell this person in the first place. So frustrating. Is that normal? I don't even care if that's normal or not, the point is that ideally I should be able to just say what I'm really thinking and not have to make up lies... I'm not even a good liar!

I know life is not easy for anyone, but I would think it would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't believe even a quarter of what I believe now. I can't be convinced that school, work, government, military, corporate monopolies, or compassion in spite of abuse is a good thing. I can't be convinced that the system is not specifically structured to oppress the people by keeping them as heavily distracted as possible. It's difficult to be myself in a world that quite literally believes the polar opposites of everything I believe, but I can't change who I am. I can learn to be more tolerant (and probably should), but it won't ever stop me from being me.

I'm still trying to figure out how exactly I'm supposed to be able to live with all this bullshit on a daily basis. So far, my plan seems to be working but I still have a long ways to go... I'd estimate 7 or 10 years. I'm convinced that my only means of breaking free and not only living by, but MAKING MY OWN RULES, can only be achieved through business ownership. I don't want Mickey Mouse on my paychecks forever, I want to be able to sign my own checks. Work, to me, is no different from slavery. I'm aware that work pays you to be there, but the fact that we need to work to have any power [i.e. money] makes it slavery. I wake up and put on my business-casual slave clothes, work for the machine and assist in their spread of distraction, come home and get out of my slave clothes, and I get money in my account at the end of the week that will go quickly because money is necessary for fucking EVERYTHING, and that keeps me going back to work for the machine in a vicious cycle. Work owns me, work owns you, and that is why it is SLAVERY. I want to liberate myself by being a business owner, but I would consider myself to be more of a Robin Hood type figure than another slave driver. Yes, I would have a business in which I pay friends (not "employees") to assist in running that business, but I'll be doing it out of my limited compassion. It will be an environment where we all work together for the common goal of making money to get by and enjoying life in the process. So I wouldn't be owning slaves, I'd be creating an escape for me and my friends by allowing them to receive money from someone they know and can trust, rather than a faceless corporation with a mysterious benefactor that you will never, ever meet. Some may see this is no different than just owning a business and having employees, but it IS different because anyone that has worked on both sides of the spectrum can tell you that there is an entirely different vibe from working for a private business rather than a corporate one. Not to say private businesses are all good, because obviously that cannot be true, but I'm saying that MINE will be different. To change the system, you need to be a part of it first.

Every time I get depressed in school or work or whatever, thinking to myself that this is not where I want to be or what I want to be doing, I think to myself, "Well, what WOULD you rather do? If you could do what you wanted, what would that be?" I always have the same vision every single time; I wake up in the morning and step outside, and I smile because it's yet another gorgeous day in The Netherlands... the kind of day that feels like nothing can bring you down. Then I grab a pastry from a nearby Dutch bakery and get in my modest little boat, which is docked in the canal directly in front of my house. I get in, light up a fat one, and leisurely cruise down the canal for a few blocks until I get to MY coffeeshop, which is undeniably mine because of the big, bold letters reading "FLUX" above the door. I open up and start brewing some coffee as my other 2 friends (not employees) arrive. The rest of the day is a delightful blur of meeting and interacting with people from all over the world, filling up pint glasses for them with Grolsch, weighing out nugs of our Cannabis Cup-winning flavor known as 'The Cure For Insomnia' for my guests, bringing out their tapa orders, pointing to the sign behind me that states "If you want wine, go to France" for anybody who requests wine, smoking fatties periodically and rolling them up for people who are unable to do so, and just enjoying the simple parts of life: good food, good beer, good weed, and good people. If it's a slower day, I confide in my friends to take care of the place and head off in my boat to who knows where. Simplicity, leisurely, and yet I make bank every single day to where I never have to give much of a second thought to money. Ahhhh, I'm so relaxed just thinking about it....

Well, only 10 years left.

San Francisco  is total anarchy right now. There's a huge, violent storm going on and all over the city there's floods, debris in the street, trees fallen in the road or on parked cars, loss of power all over the bay area, broken traffic lights... shit, the wind is so bad that it knocked the scaffolding off a building under contruction and in turn got that street shut down. It's seriously nuts, I don't think I've ever experienced a storm like this before. I mean, I refuse to own an umbrella because I think it's too sensitizing to get so worked up over water falling from the clouds, but it's raining HARD. I can't walk outside like normal like I usually do in the rain because there's such a high volume of rain at really high speeds with wind in every direction. It's seriously crazy... I'm waiting for a building to get knocked over so as to incite the riots and looting.

I don't know if there were thousands of people out there like me who were wondering whether or not if it is true that the absinthe now available in the United States is not as good a European absinthe, but that is a question I have definitely been wondering about ever since absinthe prohibition was repealed in the US. A little over a month ago, Anthony Bourdain told me that the absinthe in the US was "neutered absinthe" and that it doesn't contain the same amount of thujone as Euro brands, but I've also read conflicting reviews from reporters on the internet who have most likely never had real absinthe before trying the brands in the US who say it contains the same amount of thujone.

I was in a store the other day that had Lucid, a French brand that comes in a black bottle with green eyes on it, and it cost $75. Now for me, it doesn't make any sense to go to a store and pay that much money for a bottle of absinthe at the store that you don't even know if it's the real deal or not and it would make more sense to pay the same price (shipping included) to get a bottle straight from Europe that you know is good. Well I went to my favorite store in the world yesterday-- BevMo, which is like my temple along with the cannabis dispensaries-- and I came across a bottle of Lucid for $66, making it officially cheaper to purchase it in store than to order online; so I took the risk.

I put it to the test last night to finally know for sure if absinthe is really, truly available in US stores now. Of course I did the proper method with an absinthe spoon, sugar cube, and cold water (directions for this are also on the back of the bottle); 3 glasses later, I can now attest, as somebody more than  familiar with all kinds of absinthes from all over the world (and I have the scars to prove it, lol), the following can be said about Lucid brand absinthe:

It smells like absinthe.
 

It tastes like absinthe, but doesn't have half as much bite as the real thing. Absinthe is sort of like cocaine in that if you put some absinthe on your finger and put it on your gums, your gums will tingle and go a little numb and it will be very distinct. To give an example of how 'watered down' the taste is, rubbing some in my gums did not really cause a sensation.
 

The alcohol content is good for the alcohol buzz that comes from absinthe.
 

IF there was any thujone in it, it had to be an extremely minute amount because I only felt the alcohol and no thujone effects. I've had many brands highly concentrated with thujone, including European Jagermeister made with wormwood (which I suppose should be legal in the US very soon then? It better be!), and liquors made with a lot of thujone have a distinctive effect. Thujone is a drug all it's own and needs to be experienced to be understood, but the best I can describe it (because I've done a fair amount of drugs in my day) is it gives the ecstasy-like feeling of happiness and body sensitivity, the laid back feeling associated with pot or beer, sometimes the cocaine-esque mentality of wanting to get out and do stuff and being restless, and-- if you have enough-- a feeling similar to mushrooms which (just like mushrooms) can give you pleasant or peculiar (I wouldn't say un-pleasant) hallucinations if you have between 3 and 5 glasses of GOOD stuff. Lucid didn't have any of those, except the laid back feeling which I would associate more with the alcohol content and not from thujone.

So is absinthe available in the States as good as European kinds? The answer is a simple "hell fucking no", and I would suggest www.absinth24.net to get the good stuff.

An open letter to Nancy Pelosi (because I'm scared to actually send it and have something unpleasant show up at my door to take me away):

Dear Nancy Pelosi,
I don't believe you care about the American people at all. Perhaps if you held up your end of the deal (we elected you because you said you'd stop the war, remember?), I may think otherwise; but alas, I DO NOT TRUST YOU. If you truly do care, or even care to humor me and the American people (you know, PRETEND to care a little), then DO NOT ALLOW S. 1959 Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act to pass, as it is UNCONSTITUTIONAL. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the United States Constitution, but it's this great piece of paper that our country was founded upon that you and your politician cronies have been using as toilet paper lately. This despicable act, if passed,  will bring upon our country the DEATH OF THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH, as guaranteed to us by the FIRST Amendment of the United States Constitution. You know why it's the First Amendment? Because it's the most important one. Under this act, it would be an arrestable offense to write my own PERSONAL opinions on the war or ANY government organization on my blog, which is entirely unfair and unwarranted. If this law were passed before you ran for Speaker of the House, you would have been imprisoned for criticizing the Bush administration and the Iraq war and wouldn't be the one to receive this message from me today. Show some gratitude for the people that put you into office. Please Congresswoman Pelosi, put your foot down on this unconstitutional bill and don't allow it to pass. Do your job in listening to the demands of the American people. Thank you for your time (if of course you actually read this personally, which I wouldn't believe for a second).
-R, a very concerned American citizen


If any of you have the balls to write Congress without fear of being blacklisted and/or incarcerated, please DO IT. This bill IS facism and it needs to be stopped! Please spread the word.

Rock is not just about how the music sounds, it has to have the matching mentality to really be considered rock. All genres have values attatched to them. Pop values don't discriminate whether artists write their own music or not; in fact, it's pretty much extra credit to write your own music in the pop world, but nobody thinks less if a pop artist focuses on their vocal talent as opposed to writing talent. It's important to note that all musicians are different and some can sing, some can write, and some can even do both. Talent is talent, and it doesn't technically matter which of the talents one posesses (unless of course they suck at it). The exception is rock. Rock values dictate the importance of writing one's own music because rock is supposed to be a message from the heart, and having someone else write your rock song entirely defeats the purpose. Does rock music need to be angry? While I would personally prefer it, the answer is no, it does not need to be angry... but, rock music absolutely must have at least at least a moderate note of aggression. I don't mean screaming and curse words (though it's a plus if the band wants to make no mistake they they are indeed a rock band), I'm talking about the overall tone of the music. Slow songs are acceptable now and then for most every band, just as long as it does not comprise the great majority of their works. Rock music needs to instill in the listener at least a little bit of tension, and it needs to be noticeable. The tension is the most important part of rock because that is the vessel for the emotions of angst and confliction to be transmitted from the artist to the listener. It's not a question of like or dislike, the message itself doesn't always matter (but it can't be about something too poppy and sugarcoated), what makes rock music rock music is that tension where the listener feels what the artist felt. Drums, bass, and electric guitar are the most sure-fire way of getting that tension across to the listener. I don't give a fuck how good an artist is with an acoustic guitar, because if they're a true rock artist, they'll write and record a badass song with electric guitar first and come out with an acoustic version later if it's that important to them. Acoustic guitar has an emotion all it's own and conflicts with the tension aspect of rock. Acoustic guitar is slow-paced and emotional... it has no place in rock music because of it's ability to entirely alter the message and tone of a song. I'm not saying acoustic guitar is not music, I'm saying anything involving acoustic guitar needs to be stripped of the "rock" label if it currently contains that false label. If you care so goddamn much about getting your message across by means of acoustic guitar, you're a musician (maybe even an artist) but NOT a rock musician. If acoustic guitar has more meaning to you than electric guitar, you are not allowed to call yourself a rockstar if you desire to be taken seriously in the rock community because you are a fucking POP artist and true rockers are never fooled. Another rock value is that the band always comes first, and the solo artist comes second. Being a solo artist first and finding a band to play behind you to give you "rock credibility" is a slap in the face to rock. An example of how powerful having a band is can be demonstrated by John Ondrasik who called himself "Five For Fighting" because he thought it would give him more credibility if he sounded like a band instead of a solo artist.

What inspired this rant? Yesterday Nick Smith (co-worker, ABC co-anchor) told me to guess what the number one selling album in 2007 was. He told me he wasn't sure if they're considered pop or rock. Immediately I responded, "No. Do NOT tell me Daughtry. Please don't tell me Chris Daughtry has the number one selling album in the entire year." And it was true. I immediately had to clarify to Nick, "Daughtry is strictly pop, and if anyone tells you he's rock, stab them in the face because they don't know what the hell rock is." Daughtry is about as rock as Nickelback or Creed. I'm still so disturbed by this, but then again, the laws of business would give sense to the situation. As much as I hate this fucker, I can't really think of an artist that was more promoted than him through American Idol, AI commercials, radio, and a barrage of sickening commercials promoting his album.
Chris Daughtry, if you're reading this, I demand on behalf of the REAL rock community that you only accept your number one billboard award under the condition that nobody refers to your band as being in the rock genre ever again. We see right through your rock facade, you sniveling popstar. Come clean, Mr. Daughtry! You are living a lie, and the rock community cannot stand for it, and will not stand for it!


On an entirely unrelated note, I saw "I Am Legend" last night and I thought it was awesome. It's most definitely gonna be one of those movies like "The Village" and "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" that's going to get reamed by morons who could care less about the story because they'll just be disappointed that it wasn't 'scary enough.' In fact, the very first thing I heard as I stood up after the movie was someone saying, "They had so many opportunities to make it scarier and they didn't." Dude, it's PG-13... if you wanna see something scary, pick something that the law requires you to be at least 17 to see, dipshit. If you're interested in the actual STORY itself (ooh, what a concept!), go see it.

I wrote this essay for a Leisure and Contemporary Society class where the assignment was to predict the state of leisure in the year 2020. I may already be in danger for turning this in to my school, so I want to make this work available to anyone who wants to read it. Thank you.( Happiness in Slavery: The Theft of leisure in America )

This was banned from NBC. If it's all supposed to be public knowledge, why would they ban this? I'm sure whoever made it at SNL got canned too.